Now, this might seem a little harsh. Bear with me and I will explain. Throughout life, things happen. Sometimes good things happen and sometimes shit happens. We learn how to deal with the good and the bad as we go through life. First of all our parents show us how its done (and we all know what Philip Larkin says about our parents). Now some show the ‘stiff upper lip approach’ which is basically shut up and put up – not helpful and rarely sustainable. And some show us how to make a meal out of everything – a fuss, a drama, a life full of angst. And some walk the middle road and deal with most of what life hands out in a positive and mainly upbeat way.
Then we learn at school and from our peers. Social media plays a part and before you know where you are we have found out that there is a counsellor, a coach, a support group or a meditation method that guarantees success.
We get romanced into thinking that someone ‘out there’ has an answer for all our problems. We pride ourselves on being able to talk about things and are really glad when we go a whole day without needing an entire box of tissues.
My point is that somehow, somewhere along the line, we have to do this ourselves. We can share our journey, people can walk with us, but they can’t do it for us.
At some point we all need to get a grip and do the best we can. I always think of this when I am working with someone who wants to lose weight, I can give them the best advice, all the tools they need, but bottom line, they have to stop eating all the things that are making them fat.
And, tricky as it is, it’s the same for dealing with illness and death. We have great doctors and nurses and fab therapists of every sort, but its us that have to deal with the rubbish at the end of the day. There comes a point when we just have to day ‘I’ve got this, I’m on it’. If not, the struggle is too great .